Chaos Isn't Always a Bad Thing
by Peppermint Kiss
Summary: House decides on the ultimate move to rid himself of two lovesick ducklings and settle peace in the hospital at last. Features: In Love and Not Admitting It!Chase and Cameron, as well as Demonic!Cuddy. This should get interesting. My first House fic, R&R!
1. Let the Chaos Begin

**Chaos Isn't Always a Bad Thing**

Disclaimer: I don't own Fox, or House. No, not even Steve McQueen.

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It was the usual day at Princeton-Plainsborough hospital. The sun was shining; babies were being born; old ladies were walking around with canes in the hallways—

And Dr. Gregory House had come in _early_.

He dumped his blue backpack onto his desk and rummaged through the contents, throwing random junk everywhere. His jacket, a flattened Fig Newton bar, a rubber ball, a sandwich bag containing a moldy sandwich, and…

"Steve McQueen! Get back here! It's not time yet!"

Steve whimpered and looked at House appealingly.

"_No._ Get back here."

Steve gave the equivalent of a sigh and scurried back to House, and easily leaped up to stand on his desk.

"All righty. Here's the deal. I let you loose for a day of wonderful chaos in the hospital. You, in return, get Chase—" he flicked his cane towards a picture of Chase on the wall, "And Cameron—" cane flicking action towards Cameron's picture "together. Two of my ducklings acting like lovesick—well, ducklings—simply won't work. Remember, don't go into the morgue—trust me, dead bodies are not interesting, well, unless you're putting bullets in one, but that's not relevant—any operation rooms, outside, or any other levels. You'll get extra rat treats if you terrorize Cuddy as much as humanely possible, but don't let that thought deter you from getting Chase and Cameron together." He prodded their pictures thoroughly to emphasize his point and to get the idea through Steve's head. "Ready?"

Steve bobbed his head.

"Let's go." With Steve running in front of him, House opened the door and watched as Steve shot off down the hall, weaving through the throng of feet.

Foreman's voice from behind surprised him. "Was that just a…rat running down the hallway?"

House turned to face one of his ducklings. "Of course not," he replied. "Either you're hallucinating, or you need to get your eyesight checked, because you just mistook a shoe for a rat."

Foreman just shook his head and pushed open the door to the conference room.

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9:47 AM brought no new cases for the team, and one extremely furious Cuddy. Chase, who was facing the door with his ever-present crossword on the table in front of him, alerted the rest of the team. "Cuddy alert. And she's spitting fire."

House glanced up from where he was idly twirling his yo-yo around. "Oooh. Spitting fire, you say? Hmm, this should be interesting."

Foreman and Cameron barely had time to look at House before the door to the conference room swung open and one demonic Dean of Medicine stormed in.

"_HOUSE!_ Please tell me that you did not have _anything_ to do with the event that one rat that is wearing a collar that says 'Steve McQueen' is running around the hospital?"

"Well, I've always thought that the collar gave Steve a snazzy touch—"

"_THAT IS IRRELEVANT TO THIS SITUATION!"_

"Ouch. You might want to pipe down a little. Chase looks so scared, he might just piddle his pants right here."

Chase, who was certainly not about to "piddle in his pants" shot House an overly dirty glare.

"If Chase is going to piddle in his pants, that is his problem! The problem at hand concerns how your rat got into this hospital!"

"Ohhh, that. Hm. He must have snuck into my backpack when I wasn't looking. He always did want to visit the hospital…"

"How could you not be looking?"

"What? I'm a cripple. Cripples generally have bigger things on their mind."

"Whatever. I'm calling the exterminators."

House looked decidedly scared at this. "No—don't!"

Cuddy looked suspiciously at him. "Why? A rat is unsanitary, and we cannot have it running around this hospital!"

"Steve is so totally sanitary! He just had a bath last night! And er…my team doesn't have a case, so we could look for Steve?"

"I—you know what, fine. Have your team look for your idiotic rat. They have all of today to look for it, but if they don't find it by tomorrow, I'm _calling the exterminators_."

With that, Cuddy yanked open the door and stalked off down the hall.

The whole room sat in silence for a good couple of seconds before House broke the silence.

"Gee, that was interesting. Right. Down to business. Foreman, you check all the bathrooms _on this level_. Steve knows little pictures of males and females. He's that smart. Cameron, clinic. Steve's people-friendly. Even though most freak out when they see him. Chase, the rest of this level. Steve's scared of stairs and elevators."

His whole team simply sat there and gaped at him.

"What? Aren't you supposed to be looking for a rat right now? Get moving." House started to swing his cane about in a shooing motion, and his team all hurried to get up and go, or else get knocked in the ribs by a dangerous cane.

As Foreman and Chase rushed out the door, Cameron paused and looked back at House. "So doctors of our level just got demoted to being rat-catchers?" Her voice was cool and showed mild amusement.

House leaned on his cane and surveyed Cameron. "Basically, yes."

Cameron just smiled and turned to walk out the door.

As the door swung shut behind Cameron's retreating back, Steve gave a questioning squeak from his hiding place behind the filing cabinet.

"Yes, yes, you can come out now. Very good work. Here's a rat treat, and now get ready for more chaos."

Steve had barely just run out of the door to cause "Chaos: Part II" when Wilson burst into House's office.

"Are you out of your mind, letting Steve McQueen run loose in the hospital like this?" he asked.

"Hm, perhaps. It's a questionable thing, whether you're insane or not…"

"Anyways, how did Steve even get into the hospital?"

"Like I said, it was an accident…"

"House, I know you better than that. You brought him, didn't you? For another radical plan of yours?"

House gave Wilson a stony glare for having seen through his plan, and gave a sullen nod.

"So which plan would that be?"

"It's secret. And you'll tell Cuddy."

"No, I won't. Promise."

House gave an exaggerated sigh before whispering confidentially to Wilson: "Steve's going to get Chase and Cameron together."

Wilson laughed out loud at this before skeptically eyeing House. "You're joking."

House looked offended. "I never joke. And this plan is definitely going to work."

"And how would it happen to work?"

"It's secret."

"House, stop acting like a four year-old and tell me."

House considered this for a moment. "Not telling."

Wilson shook his head in defeat. "Fine. But whatever it is, I say your plan definitely _won't_ work."

"Oh, it will. My plans always do."

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A/N: _And that concludes the first chapter! This fic will only be two or three chapters long, and yes, Chase and Cameron are eventually going to get together, Steve McQueen or not. Well, I better stop writing or else I'll give out all the secrets! Reviews are love!_


	2. Some Odd Dancing

**Chaos Isn't Always a Bad Thing – Chapter Two**

Disclaimer: I don't own Fox or House. Yes, that includes Steve McQueen. Sadly.

* * *

_Chase_

Chase couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that he was striding down this hallway looking for a RAT. A rat that his boss "accidentally" brought to the hospital. A doctor of his ranking and his skill demoted to a lowly job as a rat-catcher? He simply wouldn't believe it.

Chase stooped to check beneath a water fountain for an elusive rat that was also supposedly wearing a red collar. Well, that should make it easier to spot, right?

Wrong.

The time was now 3:14 PM, and the Diagnostics team had spent a good portion of the day searching for a rat. Everyone was exhausted, cranky, and extremely glad that they worked as doctors for a living rather than rat-catchers.

"Any luck?" Cameron's voice sounded from behind Chase, and he turned around, startled.

"No. I swear House purposely let the rat loose in the hospital to cause chaos and get Cuddy so angry that he'll have enough evidence to enroll her in anger management classes."

Cameron smiled at his words and turned to leave. "No luck for me either. At least the day's almost over. I'm off to check the cafeteria. The rat's going to get hungry at some point."

House came limping down the hallway and heard Cameron's last words. "His name is STEVE, not THE RAT. Kindly refer to him as Steve from now on."

Cameron just rolled her eyes and walked off to the cafeteria.

Chase watched her leave and couldn't help admiring how she held herself with confidence, and walked with even and steady steps. Her hair swished against her back, and the slim hands that comforted patients were tucked into the pockets of her lab coat. When she smiled, she—

"Ow!" A sharp pain in his ankle made Chase realize that while he had been ogling after Cameron, House had gotten his attention by sharply rapping him with his cane. Chase swore to butcher apart that cane one day to see if the bottom was really loaded with metal, because he didn't believe that wood could cause that much pain.

"What was that for?" he demanded at House, who leaned on the cane and watched Chase with the air of someone who knew something.

"So what do you think of Cameron?" were House's words.

Chase was, to say the least, surprised. He hadn't expected House to ask that. "Um…she's a good doctor, and very patient when talking. She understands the patient's ethical needs as well as the physical—you aren't thinking of firing her, are you?"

"No, I'm not. Just asking." And House limped off down the hallway to Cuddy's office, whistling and leaving a bewildered Chase behind him.

* * *

_Cuddy's Office _

"OUT! OUT YOU PEST, OUT!!!" Cuddy screamed, trying to hit the rat that was tracking water from what she assumed was the bathroom onto important papers that were due for a meeting the next day.

The rat jumped off of her desk and made a mad sprint for the door. Unfortunately, so did Cuddy, as she managed to knock down her coat hanger and her water bottle, splashing more water onto her desk.

The fork Cuddy had futilely been stabbing the rat with was thrown at the approximate location of the rat. However, Cuddy was no Major League baseball pitcher, so of course she missed.

The fork whizzed past Steve and buried itself into her couch.

Frantically looking around her room for something to kill the rat with, Cuddy's eyes fell on a computer wire cord, and she snatched it up, her eyes maniacal.

"Aha! I have power now! I'll use this wire cord to whip you and then tie you up and—"

Cuddy saw House standing in the doorway, watching the scene with mild interest. So was the rest of the hospital standing behind him.

Steve took this moment to streak out of the door and Cuddy walked to her ruined desk with as much dignity as she still had left in her, the computer cord still clutched in her fist.

"Nice to see you, Dr. House."

House watched her for a few minutes before speaking in a cool tone. "Whipping and tying up. I'll have to mention your sexual fantasies about Steve the next time I see him. The two of you would make the perfect couple." Snickers were heard from the nurses behind House as House turned and walked away, a smug smile playing on his lips.

Cuddy turned to the hospital staff still gathered outside of her office door, her face beet-red. "Well? Don't you have anything better to do?"

She was too humiliated and too busy shooing away the hospital staff to see House stoop and pick something up, and softly murmur to the thing in his hand: "Good job with Cuddy. You get extra rat treats. And now, for the grand finale…"

* * *

_Chase_

It was 5:20, and Chase decided enough was enough. He had played rat-catcher for one day, to failure. The exterminators would do a better job than diagnosticians at capturing rats.

He trudged around the level on one last round for any last glimmer of the rat when something gray…and furry…shot up his pant leg.

It wasn't so bad until the thing started climbing up his leg, towards a particularly sensitive part of his body…

* * *

_Cameron_

Cameron had finished one last exhaustive search of the clinic to no avail—or to be more appropriate, no rat. She decided it was high time to just go home, and was heading to the conference room to grab her things when she came across Chase in a deserted hallway.

And oddly—he was _dancing_.

"Chase?" she asked, concerned.

"Get it out, get it out, GET IT OUT!" Chase cried, hopping around like a madman.

Now Cameron was really confused. "Uh…is that a new song or something?"

"Get it out, get it out, get it out…" Chase continued chanting.

"Get _what_ out?" Cameron asked.

Chase gestured to his crotch, where apparently something was madly moving around. "I HAVE A RAT IN MY CROTCH!" he wailed.

It took Cameron a full two minutes to fully understand what Chase had just said. "Oh. Um…that's bad."

"I'VE REALIZED THAT ALREADY!" was Chase's screamed back indignantly.

Cameron's practical sense quickly took over her open-mouthed gape of surprise. "Take off your pants."

Chase stopped hopping for three seconds to stare at Cameron. "_What_?"

"Well? You want the rat out. Take off your pants."

"I'm not letting you see my boxers!"

Cameron made a mental note to collect $30 from Foreman, who had bet that Chase wore briefs. She made an exasperated noise. "I'll close my eyes. Just get the damn rat out!"

"Fine!" Chase started unbuttoning his pants and Cameron promptly squeezed her eyes shut. However, her female instinct couldn't keep her eyes shut for long, and she cracked them open just a bit.

Just in time to see Chase looking extremely hot in green boxers.

Her other thoughts of Chase, however, were interrupted when Chase let out a yell. "There goes the rat!"

That made Cameron's eyes open immediately and she saw a small gray shape dashing away from them and diving for cover under a hospital bench.

"Got it!" Cameron and Chase both shouted at the same time. One of the legs of the hospital bench scraped by Cameron's blouse, knocking off four buttons and exposing the top part of her bra. Unfortunately, none of them grabbed the rat.

Although Chase grabbed Cameron's head.

"That hurt…" Cameron muttered weakly, right before she felt Chase's lips on hers.

* * *

_Chase/House/Cameron_

It was like instinct. From the moment the rat leapt out of his pants and ran for safety under the bench, to the moment he accidentally grabbed Cameron's head instead of the rat.

Well, the head-grabbing was an accident.

But the kiss that followed sure wasn't.

It was long and sweet, and Cameron didn't break away in terror. Chase reveled in the feeling of holding Cameron in his arms, her sweet scent floating up his nose…

Chase wondered if this was when they had blissful sex on the hospital bench.

Cameron wondered what Chase had for lunch, since he smelled like onions.

Sadly, their "romantic" moment was ruined in the form of one certain Dr. Gregory House, who came limping down the hallway, Steve cradled in one arm.

"Doctor Chase! Doctor Cameron! Such inappropriate behavior! By the way, very sexy black bra, Cameron," he told her. "Victoria's Secret, I presume? But Doctor Chase!" House let out a mock gasp. "We'll have to deduct points for those green boxers." House made a "tsk"-ing sound. "Hmm…blue, perhaps, would be more flattering for your figure."

House's words made both doctors acutely aware of the fact that Chase was in his boxers and Cameron's blouse was just barely falling off her shoulders. House left the two doctors scrabbling to fix up their appearances. "Very good work," House told his rat. As the sun began to slowly set in the sky. "Not that bad for chaos, eh?"

Steve squeaked in agreement as he happily munched on a rat treat.

* * *

-_fin_- 


End file.
